I DONT HAVE A PASSION

Hey cuties!

Sox Home Opener Selfie

Now that I have your attention….sorry not sorry for the caps lock title…let’s get on with this all over the place post, and start from the beginning.

Imagine 16 year old Autty…naive (ok…still not to far from that one..)

16 year old me.jpg

(What is that pose?^ Good God…)

I thought I had the world all figured out. Bad things only happen to bad people, I’d be with the same, Justin Bieber haired boy forever, (and of course maintain that ever innocent relationship, where I still didnt have a firm grasp on anything really…) and we would graduate high school, go directly to the colleges of our dreams, (which would obviously be the same place…duh) I would continue dancing, and who knows, maybe open up my own studio down the road…I would also go on to be a teacher, and climb my way up to superintendent of Gloucester Public Schools, all while taking the time to travel to 3rd world countries educating their youth, do some real estate on the side, buy a home, travel the world, have my dream car, and three perfect children all by the age of 25. (WHAT?)

Fast forward graduation day. I actually had never been more proud of myself than I had that day.

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BUT–I was slowly getting the idea that bad things happen to good people, dreams change, and sometimes, you get a little lost….or a lotta lost, and that’s basically what the next few years would bring. A whole lot of 19, and 20 something year old me, running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Changing schools, and majors like it was I was getting paid to (jokes on me, I was paying the price$$$) going through some sh***y relationships, finding out who my true friends (and relatives) are, yo-yoing with my weight, (because some days you feel like a kale salad, and others you want a Wendy’s cheeseburger, chocolate shake, baked potato, and also….Taco Bell, cause YAS)

….and here I am now. I finally met the man of my dreams, found my ground with school, and went back for elementary education, with less than a year till my bachelors is completed, had some incredible adventures with my closest friends and family, got my own apartment, waited for my man to go through OSUT with the US Army, found my haven in blogging, got engaged….and well…you know the rest. Now I reside on an Army base with that hunk in Nowheresville Upstate NY.

I’m happier than a pig in sh*t, for lack of better term. I love my family, I cherish my friends, I’m enjoying acclimating to my new home, spending lots of time with Jimbo and planning trips around the area…and obvs I love decorating our new place! BUT……recently as I was emailing back and fourth with the advisor at my new school…it hit me like a ton of bricks. I DONT KNOW IF TEACHING IS MY NUMBER ONE PASSION ANYMORE. I actually talked about this with a few of my girlfriends recently, one even claiming, she’s never been passionate about anything. I’ve had friends who have said, they don’t have a career oriented mind, but just want a well paying job where they don’t want to die every day on the commute to the office (fair enough) and even the brave souls, who bless their hearts, in this world full of judgy pseudo-feminists–are perfectly happy letting the world know, they want to be stay at home Mom’s. (God bless them, that is a 24/7 job, with no vacation time, and sometimes zero thank yous.)

I’ve spoken with my school advisors, my Mom, my friends, and Jim, and everyone says the same thing. Find your passion, and turn it into a career…but what if you don’t know what your passion is? I love volunteer work, but unfortunately, although I will always continue working for charitable causes that I’m passionate about–being a philanthropist doesn’t pay the bills…and I love blogging–but AGAIN, lets be real. I’m not Lauren Conrad. I love it, and will never give it up, as long as it makes me happy…but–truly, I’m feeling lost. I mean, sometimes I do forget that I’m only 22 years old. &I have LOTS of time to find myself. But I’ve always been a planner. &I get major anxiety when I don’t have a plan…but I’m learning to love my life, and the journey more than just focusing on the next thing–based on the arbitrary idea of the “order” we must do things in.

A huge thank you, to those who aren’t going to judge me based on my “epiphany” if you will, and extra huge thank you, to anyone with suggestions on what YOUVE done, in this type of situation…and (now that I’ve decided to grow some balls) a big f**k you, to those who will feel the need to knock a chick while she’s down.

Question of the day: What are you passionate about? How are you turning your passions into a career? Tell me in the comments below, or Tweet me! @autumnforever12 Because…literally none of my close friends use Twitter other than to stalk celebs, and I want some Tweeter friends. (Yes, Tweeter.)

“We must let go of the life we planned, to accept the one that is waiting for us.”

xo

Be lost with me!

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PS-

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to anyone and everyone who reached out to me and my immediate family since the loss of my Gramps. &To all of those friends and family members who came out last Thursday to support him, and our family at his celebration of life. Grandpy became quite the Grumpy in his later years, but that will never take away from the amazing things he has done for myself, and my family. If you want to read his obituary, it was published in the Gloucester Daily Times here, and you can read my eulogy for him, here. (Please do not “edit” the eulogy, as that is on my google docs account. It was the only way I could share it with out posting it all on the blog.)

Grandpy and I

“See you later alligator, after while crocodile..”

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4 thoughts on “I DONT HAVE A PASSION

  1. Hey Autumn, it’s Mark. Like Jims friend haha. I could spend my whole comment asking how you and Jim are and just shooting the sh*t but honestly here’s why I’m here:

    I think that people who say they want to be a full time blogger or want to do something different and extraordinary with their life but get caught up with the busyness in life and say that dreams change, those people are WRONG. They’re just wrong. They don’t want it.
    The difference between you and say Taylor Swift? Is absolutely NOTHING. She breathes and she’s a regular woman who also just sings, that’s it. People who separate the Taylor Swifts of the world and ordinary people are just people who don’t want it. Period. You’re either a doer or your not. You either make time to find a job that gives you ample time to travel as well as save or you don’t. It’s honestly simple. It’s the people that don’t try who don’t succeed. People love to say that things you want to do in your life are crazy but every damn one of them never even left their front door.
    I’ll end with this. 2 years ago I was living the high life Living at home, great job, new relationship, great friends, zero worries. Then I moved to Myrtle Beach, lived poor, no money, no friends, couldn’t even afford toilet paper.

    Now I’m at a good enough job, great relationship, in good health and traveling to Canada with friends in two months. I found my passion in travel and photography and it’s happening. We have plans to travel all over the world the next two years and we figured out the budgets and it works. It’s just does. Oh btw I make 11 bucks an hour. You can’t travel the world for 11 bucks an hour right? Oh no, you can. You just don’t see people talking about it because they don’t do it.
    If you want it, you make room for it and make it happen. Hook. Line. & Sinker.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mark!! Your comment made me so happy!❤️ Thank you so much for this. Sometimes you need to hear words like this from an outside person to believe it. I would never knock my parents. Bc I know they did the best job raising me into who I am today. &They only want the best for me. But I was raised to think that being a “blogger” or doing something that’s outside of the “stable” teacher, Doctor, lawyer (you know “normal career”) realm is crazy. &That things like dance, or blogging are just nice hobbies. Thank you so much for your words. I needed that.

      &Have fun on your travels! &We’re like 35 minutes from Canada😜 So if you’re in the area, our door is always open!

      Like

      • Mark says:

        Autumn you’re very welcome. I was always told that doing things out of the norm were frowned upon but it’s not until you really experience life do you realize you can do whatever you want.

        ~Mark

        Liked by 1 person

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