HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Blog world! It has been FAR too long since I posted last. I just feel like, there has been a whirl wind of things going on in my life. I’m going to do a quick little update, and I just really want to apologize to my small little group of readers that I’ve been off the grid with blogging. I just felt like….I wasn’t sure my sense of purpose…and I feel like…I can’t write, not knowing who I am. I’m still not entirely sure who I am, or what I want..but that’s what this post is all about! I feel like I’ve gotten a little more comfortable with “the new unsure me.” &I want to tell you about it!
UPDATE TIMEEEE…Last I wrote, I had just moved into my first ever apartment with my boyfriend James, and our roommate. &Now, I’m actually looking to move AGAIN! James and I decided that we are at the point in our relationship where we’re ready to live, just the two of us. Lets see…lets see…..Summer is in full swing. I’ve been taking a lot of opportunity to do some volunteer work for my community, and I have been working a lot, and saving lots of money, as we will be moving soon, and I’m also looking into getting a new car! *HORRAY!* Yaris is getting old. She still runs well, but it’s best to trade her in while she’s still worth something. So far this Summer, I haven’t been able to do a lot of fun activities, as most of my days off, we’ve had plans, obligations, or it rained. But I did get to the beach recently and it was a lot of fun! I plan on doing a lot more fun Summer-y stuff soon. This weekend was my friends and family annual reunion cookout, and the next weekend, IS THE 1989 WORLD TOUR and I’m SO excited. I’m definitely going to post some DIY stuff for my poster, and costumes I’m making, (yes costumes) So…yeah! Look out for a few Taylor related posts coming up!
So….lets get into the topic at hand..being a planner with out a plan. At the age of 21, I know not only myself, but a lot of my peers are going through a bit of an identity crisis. This is the time in our lives, where we’re supposed to set ourselves up, for the rest of our lives. &Although my mother would beg to differ, I still feel like I’m a kid, and I don’t know what the heck I want! This past June marked three years since I graduated high school, and since that time I changed my major three times, going on four. I’ve had six different jobs, and a TON of ups and downs in my personal life.
Ever since I can remember though…I’ve been a planner. When my Mother would drop me off for the day at my Grandparent’s, I would sit down, and ask what we would be doing, so I could write a schedule. Since school age, I’ve obsessed over pretty day planners, and binders, and all organizational tools. I’ve always been the planner of activities with friends and family–I even hosted my very first holiday this Easter! &All growing up, I had “a plan.”
Or so I thought.
I lived in a world of rainbows, and unicorns, and thought things just go to plan. I would go through high school, and nothing bad would ever happen. I would go right from there to a four year school, and know EXACTLY what I wanted. From there, I would have and incredibly well paying job, work on my Masters, get engaged, finish my Masters, get a promotion, have a beautiful wedding, buy a big home, and have three wonderful kids. Happily ever after.
WHAT? I mean, its a beautiful thing, to be so young, and not so jaded. I still try to look at life in a positive light…just in a little more realistic of a view.
But, I like my not so planned life. I like that I’m at the age where I can change my mind 100 times if I want to, and anything is possible. I’ve been getting a lot of flack from the “adults” in my life about having a plan. But I’m okay. &That’s all that matters.
I do however have some plans. I’m sure they could change, or go off course, or take longer, (or shorter) of an amount of time than expected. I do still want all of those things I wanted as a child. I’m changing my major, for the (hopefully) last and final time back to Elementary Education. Teaching, and working with children is a passion of mine. & I don’t think I could live my life fully, if I didn’t pursue that dream. I have plans to travel, to Europe, and all over the world, with my partner in crime, Jimmy. It will probably take longer than expected to save the money, but I will do it. I have an itch to be fully immersed in the Wanderlust life, and I will scratch it. I have plans to stay at my job, and fully enjoy it. I have plans to devote a lot of my time to volunteering to causes I believe in. &I have plans to build, and keep strong, healthy relationships with my family and friends.
I have lots of plans. &They might not fit into the mold society creates. But I know I am responsible, and I try to leave a good mark on the world I live in.
I’m not asking for much, I just want my ordinary life, to feel extraordinary to me.
Thank you for coming back to listen to my ramblings. I promise I wont run away again;)
PS, If you read my past blog, Girl Power, and 21 Things, you saw the list I want to conquer before 22. So far, I have come to the realization, that being in the professional world, #3 can’t happen. But I will buy some clip in extensions to fulfill that one. As I said in Dear 2014, I cut my hair! But now, I’m actually just anxiously waiting for my long locks to come back.#14 is happening on the 24th of this month, #17 has been happening a lot lately! I saw my sister at Relay for Life, I’m actually heading up to my Swicker cousins for a bonfire soon, and I’m hopefully visiting with my niece next month! Oh, and I’m killin #19 😉 What are or were your goals at 21?
Lets be friends!
& SNAPCHAT autumn_benson13
“Your 20s are your selfish years. Old enough to make the right decisions and young enough to make the wrong ones. Be selfish with your time–travel, explore, fall in and out of love. Be ridiculously silly, stupid and wild.”