Oh hello my peeps! It’s been a while! I hope all of my readers who were hit by Mega Storm Juno are doing well. I spent most of my day pigging out (oops) and watching movies. So! I haven’t posted since the new year! But I have read a lot of awesome “Dear 2014” posts, and was most inspired by one of my favorite YouTubers Nikki Phillippi! If you don’t know who she is you TOTALLY need to check her out. Her “How to be Happy January” segment is by far the most inspirational thing, and I love watching it while getting ready. She has inspired me to get a little personal, and a lot reflective, and write a letter to 2014, and I’m also writing a letter to the last four years of my life. So, with out further a-doo-doo (tee-hee) HERE WE GO!
WOW. You really have given me a test of strength, and character. I have grown so much in the past four years, and I’m actually WICKED proud of that growth. Let’s go back to 2010. My daddy, was the pushing force in my life. He taught me the importance of education, of hard work, and of positivity. He was my best friend, and my confidant. &He was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Let’s take a quick glance at how naïve 16 year old Autumn was; I just learned what intercourse was. (yet I still thought it was only something you did to have a child) So–I was also a firm believer in miracles. (& Yes, I will admit, this experience did jade me from believing in them.) I did not believe any of the medical professionals that my father couldn’t get better. Knowing that–my father decided to go through with tons of chemo and radiation, and even major surgery to appease my fears. I watched him go from my big, strong, funny super hero, to an empty shell of a human being. That was rough. Lets reflect again on the naivety. I didn’t know how cancer worked. On Christmas Eve 2010–my dad passed out. He refused to let someone else get him a drink, and lost his breath going to the kitchen himself. I thought he died. I aged 100 years that night. Another example; I went into work one day (dad wanted life to go on as normal.) &told a fellow co-worker with out a pinch of sadness in my voice, that “Hospice was coming.” She replied with, “Oh, I’m so sorry–I didn’t know you were that close to the end.” I then retreated to the restroom to Google “Hospice” on my iPhone 4, and fainted.
Moving past that year, into 2011-2013. THANK YOU AND F*** YOU universe for the horrible dating string I went through these few years. Let’s just SKIM the surface with what happened. I dated a drunk, a man (boy) who attempted to light my house on fire, and had a boy who put me in a mother load of credit card debt.
But–after all that. I found myself again. I found who I am. Those experiences, and all the other B.S of these few years made me who I am. &I like me. I found that I am strong. That nobody but me dictates how my story will go. I worked my butt off to pick myself back up and propel myself into the future. I’m doing things I love again, and I found my passion. It’s funny how when you’re happy, and your best self–your eyes open to things that are right in front of you.
Thank you. Not to say I didn’t go through obstacles this year. Because BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I DID. The death of my father still haunts me and all of my family members each day. But I try to live by my fathers teachings and stay a positive person, no matter how horrific the circumstances. But thank you 2014 for awakening me. I realized even more so–how IN CONTROL of my destiny that I am. In my personal life–I am happy. I have gained a lot in these past few years. More so in 2014. I have defeated a lot of huge obstacles, and I am PROUD of me.
Also 2014–You gave me James. (DISCLAIMER–IF YOU DON’T LIKE MUSHY, SCROLL PAST THIS PARAGRAPH) I used to think having a boyfriend, meant not being 100% who you are. &I thought that was normal. It was a type of “sacrifice” if you will. I was WRONG. Any young ladies out there who think this way–PLEASE KNOW this is a form of abuse. You should always feel free, and that you have nothing to hide. I have never felt more of who I am with Jim. I am my full on, goofy self. I am determined as a human being on my own, and I feel even more so, lifted up with him by my side. This is what love is supposed to feel like.
I’m grabbing you by the balls.
Your potty mouthed 21 year old Autumn
“Life is a game. You live so you play. Follow your dreams and win what your happy heart desire.”-Roel Van Sleeuwen
PS-Things checked off my 21 List:
9. Cut my hair-CHECK